Bella Wants To Do It
by lovesTwilight13
Summary: Bella wants to have sex, but cannot bring herself to say "sex". As she tries to get the point across to Edward, he gets more and more confused. Funnier than it sounds!


Bella wants to have sex with Edward. Unfortunately, she can't say the word "Sex" for her life. In this one-shot, she attempts to communicate her needs to Edward.

Disclaimer: You caught me! I own Twilight! I own Twilight! (Reality sinks in) I don't own Twilight.

It was past midnight. Edward was where he usually was at this time, that is, laying atop Bella's bed, while Charlie slept soundly, and unsuspectingly across the hall.

Life was good.

Sadly for Bella, they were not doing what she wanted to do in her bed. They were talking. Romantically, maybe, but at the moment her teenage hormones were about to make her spontaneously combust with horniness.

No, what Bella wanted to do was have sex. She wanted it now, and she wanted it badly.

During her entire life, Bella had been raised to have an aversion to marriage and all it represented. The poufy white dress, the vows. The sex. As it was, she could not bring for the life of herself, to say the word sex.

"Edward?"

"Yes, dear?" Edward turned and faced Bella, his face alight with a combination of worry and curiosity.

"I want to do it."

"Do what, dear?"

"IT."

"What?"

"You know, the nasty, the horizontal mambo, IT."

"The mambo? You wish to learn to dance? I shall sign us up for lessons! I thought you hated dancing!"

"No! I wish to sleep with you."

"I haven't been able to sleep in years. It is too late for that, Bella."

Poor Bella was very exasperated. Her slow husband looked confused out of his mind.

"Edward. Listen to me. I wish to three letter word that ends in –ex you."

"Hex? You wish to hex me? Why would you wish to do that? Have I done something to unsettle you? I apologize for anything that might have saddened you, it was not done on purpose, I promise."

"You are unsettling me right now! I'm sorry Edward, I love you, but you are so… so… out of the teenage loop! Don't you listen to teenage minds all day? This is so… vexing!"

"Vex? Is that it?"

"No! Edward! That is not it!"

At this point, both Edward and Bella were sitting up, facing each other. Edward was beginning to believe that Bella was quite deranged, no matter how deeply he loved her.

"Bella? Dear? Honey? Love? Are you quite alright? Have you taken any medication today? Fallen and taken any blows to the head?"

"No, Edward! I am not drugged, and I'm perfectly fine!"

"I'm still not following you."

"Obviously. Listen very closely. I. Want. To. Do. It. With. You."

"Do what, exactly?"

At this, Bella lost any grip she had on sanity and screamed:

"DAMMIT, EDWARD! I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!"

"Oh. I get it now. Oh. In that case, no."

"No?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's not safe, I've told you already. I could hurt you! Also, you managed to wake Charlie up. And he is coming up the stairs as we speak. If I were you, I would pretend to be asleep."

Bella quickly laid down, and pretended to be asleep, closing her eyes, and making her breathing more regular, throwing in a snore here and there.

Charlie's POV:

I was woken to what I thought was my daughter screaming, "DAMMIT, EDWARD! I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!"

In shock, and slightly under the impression that it was all imagined, I got out of bed to investigate.

I walked across the hallway, pushed open the door, and saw my lovely daughter sleeping soundly on her bed.

There was no way that it was her screaming that which had woken me up. I must have imagined the whole thing. No possible way that my innocent, naïve daughter could have yelled something so… vulgar.

No, no. It must have been in my head. Only in my head. My little Bella was asleep, and would never do such a thing.

Shaking my head, I walked back to my room. I must be losing it. Next thing you knew, I'd be imagining magical creatures everywhere. Vampires and werewolves. I let out a small chuckle as I went back to sleep. Yeah, right.

Back to our friends, Bella and Edward…

"Please Edward?"

"No."

"Fine. I'm going to sleep now."

As Edward hummed her lullaby, and Bella slowly drifted into unconsciousness, he began to wonder what Bella would be dreaming about tonight.

"Mmmmm… Edward. Lets do it. Right now."

So that's what the love of his life dreamed about. Well, she may have a one-track mind, but she was his.

That's it! How did you guys like it? Well, tell me in a review!


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